The Importance of Using Accountable Language
Phyllis B. Frank and Barry Goldstein
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) is the leading organization in the work to end domestic violence and yet when reviewing proposals for workshops at the forthcoming conference, Barry Goldstein was concerned when he found countless examples of unaccountable language. Barry works as an instructor in a NY Model batterer program. During staff training, he has learned to consistently stress the importance of using accountable language. None the less, the powerful messages embedded in all forms of media has all of us lapse into sentence structure that obscures perpetrators and supports blaming victims. When Barry Goldstein wrote his first book, Scared to Leave Afraid to Stay, the last major revision involved the removal of his unaccountable language - despite his previous nineteen years working in the movement. Our dear friend and colleague Jon Cohen, working closely with Phyllis in developing the NY model, helped to find many of the examples.
The movement to end domestic violence has not yet made the use of accountable language a priority; We hope this article will encourage all of us in the movement to do so.
Unaccountable language refers to statements that make the person who committed the offense, invisible. One common example is the phrase “an abusive relationship." The relationship did not hit the woman, but rather it was the abuser, typically a man who is husband or intimate partner, who was abusive. Accountably speaking we might say a woman was in a relationship with an abuser or he is abusive to his intimate partner. Another example is exposed by the question, “How many women will be raped or assaulted in this year?” Do we ever hear, “How many men will rape or assault this year?”
The use of passive language results in making the perpetrator invisible. A phrase like a woman was raped should be replaced by, “A man raped a woman.” The rape did not just happen, but rather the rapist committed a brutal act. The idea is to focus attention on the person responsible.
Once when we were discussing accountable language during staff training, we looked up on the wall to see a bumper sticker that said, "Every 15 seconds a woman is assaulted." Our objection at the time was not with the accuracy of the information but in failing to focus on the cause of these assaults. "Every 15 seconds a man assaults a woman!" would be an accountable description.
During a dinner conversation, Barry and his wife Sharon were discussing a series of disastrous calamities in their home caused by the builder who seemed to have deliberately sabotaged the house. After learning about one after another emergency repair, Phyllis said it was the first time she actually heard about an abusive home. Too often the phrase "abusive home" is misused to describe a man who repeatedly abuses his partner in their home.
The police and media often refer to incidents in which a man brutalizes his wife or girl friend as a "domestic dispute." This describes a man's criminal assault as if it were some kind of mutual problem or dispute. When a mugger assaults and robs a cab driver, it is not described as a "fare dispute."
The use of accountable language is not a technicality or merely a play on words, but rather an issue with profound consequences. This society regularly uses unaccountable language to minimize men's abuse of women and then frequently fails to take his abuse seriously. If we say a woman was hurt it seems like it just happened and there is nothing to do about it. If instead we refer to the man who is hurting the woman, this requires taking action to stop him from hurting her again and provide consequences for the harm he caused.
Domestic violence is comprised of a wide range of tactics men use to maintain power and to control their intimate partners The tactics are part of a pattern of coercive actions designed to maintain what he believes (consciously or not) is his male privilege to control his significant other. Historically, men were assigned control over wives and families. Today that is no longer the case legally, and for so many, morally. An "abusive relationship" or "domestic dispute" makes it seem like a communications or relationship problem between the parties. It suggests counseling or therapy as a remedy instead of consequences to hold abusers accountable for abusive, controlling tactics.
Judges in domestic violence custody cases will often confidently assume that both parties share the blame in why they can't get along. They often tell the parties they are equally responsible for the problems in the relationship and they must start to cooperate. When a mother attempts to protect her children or limit contact with an abusive father, she is routinely blamed for what is a normal reaction to a partner's abuse.
As a society our constant use of unaccountable language gives still another advantage to abusers.
This article was conceived because of the frequency with which leaders of our movement and presenters at conferences often use unaccountable language in our presentations and proposals. These are always leaders and presenters who care deeply about ending domestic violence and have devoted our lives to helping women partnered with abusive men. Most everyone who uses unaccountable language is acting in complete good faith in trying to end men's violence against women. We know this because as long as we have trained to avoid unaccountable language, we still sometimes make this error, as well.
If we are going to end or at least reduce the use of unaccountable language in this society, those of us working in the battered women's movement must take the lead and must set an example to use accountable language. Politicians often use phrases like "mistakes were made" Instead of saying, “I made a mistake.” We want society to be clear that men who abuse and mistreat the women they are partnered with are responsible for their actions. We are asking presenters and others working to end domestic violence to join us in striving to use accountable language. This is one program we can afford even in tight economic times.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The authors can be reached via the following:
Phyllis B. Frank, 845 634-5729 x312, pbfrank@vcs-inc.org, www.nymbp.org
Barry Goldstein, (914) 643-3142, Barryg78@aol.com, www.civicresearchinstitute.com/dvac.html
Phyllis B. Frank and Barry Goldstein
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) is the leading organization in the work to end domestic violence and yet when reviewing proposals for workshops at the forthcoming conference, Barry Goldstein was concerned when he found countless examples of unaccountable language. Barry works as an instructor in a NY Model batterer program. During staff training, he has learned to consistently stress the importance of using accountable language. None the less, the powerful messages embedded in all forms of media has all of us lapse into sentence structure that obscures perpetrators and supports blaming victims. When Barry Goldstein wrote his first book, Scared to Leave Afraid to Stay, the last major revision involved the removal of his unaccountable language - despite his previous nineteen years working in the movement. Our dear friend and colleague Jon Cohen, working closely with Phyllis in developing the NY model, helped to find many of the examples.
The movement to end domestic violence has not yet made the use of accountable language a priority; We hope this article will encourage all of us in the movement to do so.
Unaccountable language refers to statements that make the person who committed the offense, invisible. One common example is the phrase “an abusive relationship." The relationship did not hit the woman, but rather it was the abuser, typically a man who is husband or intimate partner, who was abusive. Accountably speaking we might say a woman was in a relationship with an abuser or he is abusive to his intimate partner. Another example is exposed by the question, “How many women will be raped or assaulted in this year?” Do we ever hear, “How many men will rape or assault this year?”
The use of passive language results in making the perpetrator invisible. A phrase like a woman was raped should be replaced by, “A man raped a woman.” The rape did not just happen, but rather the rapist committed a brutal act. The idea is to focus attention on the person responsible.
Once when we were discussing accountable language during staff training, we looked up on the wall to see a bumper sticker that said, "Every 15 seconds a woman is assaulted." Our objection at the time was not with the accuracy of the information but in failing to focus on the cause of these assaults. "Every 15 seconds a man assaults a woman!" would be an accountable description.
During a dinner conversation, Barry and his wife Sharon were discussing a series of disastrous calamities in their home caused by the builder who seemed to have deliberately sabotaged the house. After learning about one after another emergency repair, Phyllis said it was the first time she actually heard about an abusive home. Too often the phrase "abusive home" is misused to describe a man who repeatedly abuses his partner in their home.
The police and media often refer to incidents in which a man brutalizes his wife or girl friend as a "domestic dispute." This describes a man's criminal assault as if it were some kind of mutual problem or dispute. When a mugger assaults and robs a cab driver, it is not described as a "fare dispute."
The use of accountable language is not a technicality or merely a play on words, but rather an issue with profound consequences. This society regularly uses unaccountable language to minimize men's abuse of women and then frequently fails to take his abuse seriously. If we say a woman was hurt it seems like it just happened and there is nothing to do about it. If instead we refer to the man who is hurting the woman, this requires taking action to stop him from hurting her again and provide consequences for the harm he caused.
Domestic violence is comprised of a wide range of tactics men use to maintain power and to control their intimate partners The tactics are part of a pattern of coercive actions designed to maintain what he believes (consciously or not) is his male privilege to control his significant other. Historically, men were assigned control over wives and families. Today that is no longer the case legally, and for so many, morally. An "abusive relationship" or "domestic dispute" makes it seem like a communications or relationship problem between the parties. It suggests counseling or therapy as a remedy instead of consequences to hold abusers accountable for abusive, controlling tactics.
Judges in domestic violence custody cases will often confidently assume that both parties share the blame in why they can't get along. They often tell the parties they are equally responsible for the problems in the relationship and they must start to cooperate. When a mother attempts to protect her children or limit contact with an abusive father, she is routinely blamed for what is a normal reaction to a partner's abuse.
As a society our constant use of unaccountable language gives still another advantage to abusers.
This article was conceived because of the frequency with which leaders of our movement and presenters at conferences often use unaccountable language in our presentations and proposals. These are always leaders and presenters who care deeply about ending domestic violence and have devoted our lives to helping women partnered with abusive men. Most everyone who uses unaccountable language is acting in complete good faith in trying to end men's violence against women. We know this because as long as we have trained to avoid unaccountable language, we still sometimes make this error, as well.
If we are going to end or at least reduce the use of unaccountable language in this society, those of us working in the battered women's movement must take the lead and must set an example to use accountable language. Politicians often use phrases like "mistakes were made" Instead of saying, “I made a mistake.” We want society to be clear that men who abuse and mistreat the women they are partnered with are responsible for their actions. We are asking presenters and others working to end domestic violence to join us in striving to use accountable language. This is one program we can afford even in tight economic times.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The authors can be reached via the following:
Phyllis B. Frank, 845 634-5729 x312, pbfrank@vcs-inc.org, www.nymbp.org
Barry Goldstein, (914) 643-3142, Barryg78@aol.com, www.civicresearchinstitute.com/dvac.html
